Notes from the Bog

Madame Zwelch makes no guarantee regarding the accuracy of her predictions. Follow her advice at your own risk! To learn more about your Bog sign, please visit the Bog Zodiac.

Dragonfly (March 21-April 19)
I think someone will talk about you zis week, Dragonfly. Don’t worry—zis will be a good thing and nice things will be said about you. Your work or school performance will be praised so that influential people will hear all about what a terrific little flying dynamo you are. Or maybe someone will say they really like your new shoes and wish they had a pair, but in a different color; zis part is not so clear.

Stump (April 20-May 20)
You are being too serious, Stump. I think late zis week is time to let go a little and have some fun. Round up a friend or two and go do something silly. Go dancing and trip on your old moss and laugh about it. Don’t worry about why the moss is there—just laugh. Is also a good time for dating zis weekend, but keep things light. Zis is not a time for baring your soul and having deep conversations. Remember to laugh like a silly old Stump.

Two-headed Snake (May 21-June 20)
Family is on your minds zis week. Set aside old troubles and focus on what is right with your loved ones. Spend time with those who are close to you, and don’t forget about your relatives in other states too. Is time to call some people just to chat. Maybe you will even feel old-fashioned and write a letter (the kind on paper that you send through the actual mail) to your mama or grandmama. Zis will make her so happy when she sees it.

Turtle (June 21-July 22)
Is time to think of where to take vacation zis summer. Maybe you no can afford to go far away to a fancy place, but zis is no matter; you still can plan something fun to do. Zis will also get your mind off the cold outside right now. Think of how much fun you will have eating ice cream after touring the paper-clip factory in the next town over. You will also get to complain about how hot it is then, just like you complain about the cold now. Dumb grumpy Turtle.

Vulture (July 23-August 22)
Is money coming for you, big stinky bird. I think late zis week you will find out about a big bonus check with your name on it. Zis will be a big relief for you, considering how you have been spending lately. Also I think is maybe time for you to get a check-up at your doctor. The doctor can maybe recommend something for those ugly bacteria growing on your beak.

Toadstool (August 23-September 22)
You are maybe feeling like you need a little something, Toadstool—a little something special. Zis weekend you should plan something fun just for you. What will it be? How I should know? I look to you like psychic or something? Read a book or knit a sock. Plan your own fun for once, but do something to engage your little brain; zis will make you feel like a whole new fungus.

Water Strider (September 23-October 22)
The universe is calling you, bug. Is time to turn off the distractions and listen. Yes, I know you are busy watching the Olympics, but still you can take time each day to just be. Make your little legs be still while you sit and meditate. Also try a new yoga pose. Is called Bug or maybe Dead Bug, I no remember exactly, but trust Madame—zis is good for you and will help you approach the Bog in a more balanced state. You like zis, no?

Bat (October 23-November 21)
Is all about meeting people zis week, Bat. You will talk to many people about many things. You will talk, talk, talk. Don’t forget to shut up and listen sometimes too. Oh, and don’t tell everybody everything; some things you should save and tell only a trusted friend who will listen without judging you. Also be careful about who you take advice from; remember some people are idiots.

Cattail (November 22-December 21)
Late zis week is starting a busy work time for you. I think you should save some energy and have some fun early in the week, because soon it will be all work, work, work for you. You will be swaying all over like crazy to get things done, but zis will be okay because you are a spectacular swayer. Is a big productive time coming for you, Cattail, and you are ready to use it.

Spider (December 22-January 19)
Your little mind is hungry, Spider. You should do something educational zis week. Go to a lecture about Byzantine architecture. Or maybe you will visit a local historic attraction you have never been to before. Sign up for a dancing class or, if you are a clumsy Spider, go see a special concert or documentary movie. I no care what you do, but please use your brain before it turns to guacamole.

Snail (January 20-February 18)
You will maybe be getting some extra money zis week. Now don’t get too excited and crawl around in little slimy circles—control yourself and plan how is best to handle zis little bit of cash. Madame would never tell you what to do, but don’t be stupid. What Snail needs 127 pairs of shoes? Crazy slimy Snail. Be conservative with your tiny windfall; save it for future unexpected expenses (which might come sooner than you think—like next week maybe).

Tadpole (February 19-March 20)
You are learning so much about people zis week, Tadpole. Your relationships are developing. One thing you will learn is zis: “Developing” does not always mean getting better and better; sometimes it can mean things are coming to a close. Zis is okay. Some people you meet will only swim with you for a short time, and when you finally crawl onto land you will leave behind many swimming friends. Zis is how life goes, Tadpole.